This TLC Blog comes from writer Julie Lamin, who teaches us how to look after the fellow writers in our lives, and make a writing buddy.
I started my writing career in a cupboard – an old-fashioned pantry converted into an office – where I’d dash to write my novel every time our children went to a birthday party.
My paid job was as an English Consultant, as was Jennie’s – my writing buddy. Our focus on writing in schools led us to talk about and share our own writing, and to us becoming writing buddies. For more than a decade we have supported and mentored each other, and together gained the skills and confidence to self-publish, sell our books, and speak in public about them.
Every writer needs a buddy
Here’s how to nurture a fledgling writer, and gain a writing buddy for life.
Step 1. Help your writer out of the cupboard.
Habitat: Fledgling writers often hide in cupboards because they are terrified of admitting they like writing.
The first and most important task is to urge the fledgling writer to come out of the cupboard. Knock gently on the door, and tell her you would like to chat about writing. Perhaps you have some cupboard stories of your own? Sharing them will encourage her to come out. Sharing and laughing about them will help you to bond as buddies.
Step 2. Help your writer to say the word, ‘writer’
Habitat: a comfortable restaurant.
Now that you both confess to writing for pleasure, meet your buddy in a restaurant to share food, and confidences.
A common problem at this early stage, is that despite your fledgling writer having a vocabulary the size of a house, she has not yet developed the lip movements to pronounce the word ‘writer’ in relation to herself. If you try the alternative ‘author’, you may find she mis-pronounces it as ‘Arthur’.
Delicious food and a glass of wine will help her jaw relax, so this is a good time to train her to say, ‘I am a writer.’ Keep eye contact and repeat together, ‘I am a writer.’
Before going home, make these promises to each other that you will:
- keep saying to yourself: ‘I am a writer’;
- state on official forms that you are a writer;
- when someone asks what your job is, without deviation or hesitation, confidently say, ‘I am a writer’.
Do not, although the consonants sound similar, let your mouth say you are ‘retired’.
Step 3. You and your buddy exchange a piece of writing.
Habitat: a quiet room in your house
Remember:
- Your buddy is the first person you dare to share your work with.
- You are the first person your buddy dares to share her work with.
A good way to do a first buddy reading exchange is to be in the same room, such as in your house, so you read at the same time and then give feedback. Pick a day when parents/children and/or partners are out in case they are noisy, nosy or both.
Beforehand, select a few paragraphs of your work you want to share. Make sure it’s as good as can be: clear font and spacing; no errors or typos. Ask your buddy to do the same. Agree that this is about reading, and telling each other what you like. Keep it sweet.
Now exchange your writing to simultaneously read in silence. It will be comforting to see your buddy engrossed in your work, and for them to see you engrossed in theirs. This is great non-verbal feedback.
N.B. During this quiet reading time, you can smile, but do not make any sounds, unless your own biological ones can’t be suppressed.
Step 4. You and your buddy exchange views.
Habitat: as before
Remember:
- Your buddy is the first person you trust to give you constructive feedback.
- You are the first person your buddy trusts to give constructive feedback
When you finish reading, you may feel a rush of euphoria like air under your wings, because this is the first time you have had the confidence to talk about your writing.
Keep comments kind and complimentary. Tell your buddy what you liked. Ask questions, especially the ‘how did you know that/do that?’ sort.
It is highly gratifying to tell someone how your writing came into being, and at last, in you, your buddy has someone who understands and is willing to listen.
Step 5. You and your buddy become fully-fledged writers
Habitat: anywhere
You and your buddy exchange manuscripts of your completed novels. With her trusted advice, you edit, alter and perfect.
You both decide to self-publish. You discuss cover designs and write endorsements: your names are on the backs of each other’s novels, in the acknowledgements and dedications on the inside pages.
Step 6. Flying
You hold your beautiful published books. Your names are on the front; you sign them inside. You go to fairs and festivals, conferences and schools where they buy your books, first a few and then in hundreds.
You stand in a hall full of silent children. When their teacher says your name and ‘welcome to our author’, your heart soars, and you say, without hesitation: ‘Now I am a writer…’
Looking for a writing buddy? Find one on our Being a Writer platform, where we hold Write Clubs, monthly events and Peer Feedback Circles.
